Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
