Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
