Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
