And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
