Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
