I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
