brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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