I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
