dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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