Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Small penises have feelings too.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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