I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
