too bad you live with your parents still
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
me + whiskey = a bad person
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
