I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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