hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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