it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
