last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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