I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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