Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
