Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
