how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
