The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
