So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
