The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
