Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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