I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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