areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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