we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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