Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
