What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
