he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
