So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
