dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
In America we eat man semen.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
