if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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