I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
