are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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