i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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