I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
