im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
