hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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