Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
