I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We were destined to go to rehab together
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
