why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
