and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There's always time for handjobs
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
