i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
