hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
