i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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