Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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