Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
