suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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