I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
