my mouth tastes like poor choices
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
