Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
