I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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